West Texas Mama

SHHHHHHHH - I'm hiding.  Need help.  Short Ones have taken over the household.  I fear I cannot remain hidden much longer.  Weak from exhaustion, I've taken refuge under a large pile of laundry as I do not believe they will come near it.  The male continues to eat everything he can get his hands on and appears to grow two inches every night.  The female is a wiley one and carries a pirate sword.  I am very, very afraid of her.  Should I not survive, tell El Hubbo I love him and that I fought valiantly.  Much love, West Texas Mama P.S.  I bequeath my coupon binder to my sister. 

El Hubbo has flown the coop and headed to the Fort Worth Stock Show.  This leaves me alone in the battle for supremacy of the household.  Much creative maneuvering is required if one wishes to outwit and survive the short ones' quest for world domination. I decided tonight I would distract them with crafts.  Why on earth wouldn't I want them to have access to an arsenal of glue, markers, and scizzors?  What is that you say?  I'm asking for trouble?  You might be right, but it actually went quite well.  Plus, it appears that if you let them sniff enough glue and markers they will go to sleep earlier.  Bonus fact, if you sniff enough markers, you really won't care what kind of a mess they are making. I thought it would be fun for them to make Valentine cards.  We dug through the "art box" which is a collection of markers, crayons, stickers, glitter, ribbon, fabric, paints, and other junk awaiting to be turned into a fantastic creation....

No one warned me that I would need to retain a lawyer in order to raise my children.  First, a little background:  Jake and I have an arrangement.  He receives one quarter for every "O" (Outstanding) he gets on his six-week report card.  The first report card I had to pay out close to $4.  This last one cost me over $10.  This kid likes money - he can be bribed to do much for a quarter.  And, he counts it up and makes sure I don't forget.  If I don't have it handy, he will meet me at the door of the daycare with his hand held out awaiting payment. More background:  Jake's school has a discipline system.  He can lose a "blurt" if he blurts out answers or talks without permission.  He can lose an "out of seat" for, well, being out of his seat.  (I know, you pretty much had that one figured.)  Three blurts can mean the loss of a ticket.  Three out of seats means the loss of a ticket.  Really egregious offenses w...

In 2011, Lubbock was listed sixth on Forbe's Most Dangerous Cities list.  I have absolutely no problem believing this little nugget of truth.  I do not, however, think it has a single thing to do with the violent crimes per capita that they claim to use as the basis for this list.  Granted, I've witnessed several interesting things since moving here:  a cop with gun drawn in one hand and hauling a suspect through a no-tell hotel window with the other, a prostitute soliciting a john in the Walmart parking lot, etc.  (And those were just during my lunch hour - I can't help it that I work near a rougher neighborhood.)  I've been the victim of crime - you must recall the Great Coupon Binder Robbery of 2011.  (See earlier blog posts)  No, I believe Lubbock is dangerous due to it's repeated attempts to kill me via asphyxiation.  This past week alone, there have been three "brownouts".  A brownout is when the wind kicks up all the dust and ...

Poop is a popular subject at our house.  Not necessarily amongst the parental units, but definitely amongst the under 5 foot population.  I can tell you, dear reader, must also have a fondness for the subject or you would not still be reading this blog.  Finally, my children have provided me with enough gems regarding poop that I must share with you.  Lucky you. There's nothing like your beautiful little girl shouting out in the middle of church, "MY POOPS ARE COMING OUT!".  So lady-like.  And I love the looks I get from other people in stores when I tell my little darling she'll have to wait to potty and she begins to spin around in circles, grabs the back of her britches and shouts, "BUT I'M GOIN' TO POOP MY PANTS!"  Apparently all announcements regarding our bowel movements must be made at full volume. Little Sunshine is an authority on poop.  She has studied the subject in depth.  More than once I have been summoned to the bathroom to...

A few months ago, my coupon binder went missing.  One September morning, I went to get in my car and the door was unlocked.  That was unusual as I'm pretty OCD about locking doors.  As I slid into the driver's seat, I had the immediate feeling that someone had been in there.  You know the one:  you can't really put your finger on it, you just know that your stuff has been touched or moved.   I told El Hubbo and we checked - no window's broken, the change was in the cup holder - the only real sign was my Bible cover was unzipped.  Then I it hit me:  MY COUPON BINDER WAS MISSING.  I said, "Someone took my coupon binder!" El Hubbo told me he didn't think so - he popped off that it had to be the work of some deranged individual.  Then he told me I had probably taken it in the house and just forgotten where I put it.  He was less than supportive of my instinct that someone had been in my space.  "Why would they just take your...

Because we were feeling a little cliche, we decided to be resolved to commit to losing weight in the new year.  No small amount of consideration and planning went into this decision, in fact we began working up the gumption to make this decision back in September.  There were a lot of reasons (a.k.a. excuses) to not begin any sooner, however, as both of our children have recently informed us quite matter-of-factly that we were "fat", it was time to do something.  (Yes, I did briefly consider washing their mouths out with soap for using the f-word.) We decided we would do this "right" this time.  No fad diets, etc., etc.  Amend that - I decided and am pretty much forcing El Hubbo to do it too.  My doctor told me about this wonderful app to track calories called My Fitness Pal, and I downloaded it to both our phones.  Then I made El Hubbo set up his profile.  You must understand that El Hubbo hates anything having to do with tr...