Because we were feeling a little cliche, we decided to be resolved to commit to losing weight in the new year. No small amount of consideration and planning went into this decision, in fact we began working up the gumption to make this decision back in September. There were a lot of reasons (a.k.a. excuses) to not begin any sooner, however, as both of our children have recently informed us quite matter-of-factly that we were "fat", it was time to do something. (Yes, I did briefly consider washing their mouths out with soap for using the f-word.)
We decided we would do this "right" this time. No fad diets, etc., etc. Amend that - I decided and am pretty much forcing El Hubbo to do it too. My doctor told me about this wonderful app to track calories called My Fitness Pal, and I downloaded it to both our phones. Then I made El Hubbo set up his profile. You must understand that El Hubbo hates anything having to do with tracking data, organization, or pre-planning. (We are more evidence that opposites do attract.) But, as his fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants approach to weight loss was failing to leave the ground, and he had reluctantly agreed to do it my way, he now finds himself with a weight loss app and a wife that bullies him into using it.
Diet is only half the problem, so we agreed that exercise and motion that included more than walking from the recliner to the bed was going to be needed. We put the Biggest Loser DVD in and said hello to Bob. Bob Harper seems like such a sweet, encouraging trainer on TV. We dove right in to our kicks and knee lifts with gusto. Five minutes later, we were not so enthralled with dear Bob. I'm pretty sure El Hubbo would have decked him. It didn't help that Jake and Emma had decided to join in the workout.
Our living room is not that big - we have a space maybe 10 foot by 10 foot, and given that El Hubbo and I are on the larger end of the size spectrum for the human species (even when we are skinny), that does not leave much room for the two urchins to be kicking and knee lifting with us. Our workout went something like this:
"Move, Emma!" "Ow, Jake, you stepped on me!" "Hey, Daddy, you hit me!" "Move over!" "No, you move over!" Etc. Etc. Etc. You can just feel the love, right?
Somehow, we made it to the end of the video and collapsed. About that time, El Hubbo and I realized just how hungry we were. Had we been able to move any of our eight combined limbs, we would have crawled to the kitchen for a snack. As that was not physically possible at that moment, we chugged some water and hoped it would pass. The next day, we arose and more calorie monitoring took place. By the evening of day 2, I was experiencing moments like those old cartoons we grew up with. You know the ones - where a couple people are stranded on a deserted island and one looks at the other and sees a ham, or a cherry pie. I looked at my children, and Jake bore a strong resemblance to a chicken fried steak smothered in cream gravy, and Emma definitely looked like a chocolate cake. El Hubbo tripped me as I emerged from the kitchen with a knife and fork and forced me to eat a low cal cereal bar. I'm pretty sure he's not reporting calories or sneaking candy when i am not around or else he would have helped me strap the kids to the barbecue pit, regardless he saved their lives. (Hey, don't feel sorry for them - they used the f-word, remember?)
Day three and I was quite tired of being hungry. One thing you need to know about me - I get very cranky when I am hungry. The censor chip in my brain completely shuts off. Call me Mrs. Hyde. I spent the day scowling in the general direction of the world. My ability to prevent myself from becoming homicidal was tested to the limit when I spent 40 minutes in the drive-through lane of the local pharmacy. I had to pick up El Hubbo's prescription. I literally watched as one truck pulled into the line next to me just before I pulled up to the window in my lane. This was at 5:17 p.m. The pharmacist didn't even get to me until 5:50 p.m. Then there was apparently a question about the order and the pharmacist wanted to explain it all to me in a very lengthy conversation - to which I may have relatively harshly replied that I had already spent 30+ minutes in line and if they weren't going to give me the prescription just say so because I had to pick up my kids before 6:00 or the daycare would charge me overtime. The blank looks they gave me told me all I needed to know. I peeled out of the lane and burnt rubber to get a block and a half down the street to the daycare. I managed to slide in at 5:59 p.m.
Day four into this and the urge to eat my children has mostly passed. I still long for all things fried, and my censor chip may be completely toast. Mmmmmmm, toast. Oh, sorry, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, day four.....and El Hubbo and I are generally on speaking terms again. Wish us well on our weight loss journey!
We decided we would do this "right" this time. No fad diets, etc., etc. Amend that - I decided and am pretty much forcing El Hubbo to do it too. My doctor told me about this wonderful app to track calories called My Fitness Pal, and I downloaded it to both our phones. Then I made El Hubbo set up his profile. You must understand that El Hubbo hates anything having to do with tracking data, organization, or pre-planning. (We are more evidence that opposites do attract.) But, as his fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants approach to weight loss was failing to leave the ground, and he had reluctantly agreed to do it my way, he now finds himself with a weight loss app and a wife that bullies him into using it.
Diet is only half the problem, so we agreed that exercise and motion that included more than walking from the recliner to the bed was going to be needed. We put the Biggest Loser DVD in and said hello to Bob. Bob Harper seems like such a sweet, encouraging trainer on TV. We dove right in to our kicks and knee lifts with gusto. Five minutes later, we were not so enthralled with dear Bob. I'm pretty sure El Hubbo would have decked him. It didn't help that Jake and Emma had decided to join in the workout.
Our living room is not that big - we have a space maybe 10 foot by 10 foot, and given that El Hubbo and I are on the larger end of the size spectrum for the human species (even when we are skinny), that does not leave much room for the two urchins to be kicking and knee lifting with us. Our workout went something like this:
"Move, Emma!" "Ow, Jake, you stepped on me!" "Hey, Daddy, you hit me!" "Move over!" "No, you move over!" Etc. Etc. Etc. You can just feel the love, right?
Somehow, we made it to the end of the video and collapsed. About that time, El Hubbo and I realized just how hungry we were. Had we been able to move any of our eight combined limbs, we would have crawled to the kitchen for a snack. As that was not physically possible at that moment, we chugged some water and hoped it would pass. The next day, we arose and more calorie monitoring took place. By the evening of day 2, I was experiencing moments like those old cartoons we grew up with. You know the ones - where a couple people are stranded on a deserted island and one looks at the other and sees a ham, or a cherry pie. I looked at my children, and Jake bore a strong resemblance to a chicken fried steak smothered in cream gravy, and Emma definitely looked like a chocolate cake. El Hubbo tripped me as I emerged from the kitchen with a knife and fork and forced me to eat a low cal cereal bar. I'm pretty sure he's not reporting calories or sneaking candy when i am not around or else he would have helped me strap the kids to the barbecue pit, regardless he saved their lives. (Hey, don't feel sorry for them - they used the f-word, remember?)
Day three and I was quite tired of being hungry. One thing you need to know about me - I get very cranky when I am hungry. The censor chip in my brain completely shuts off. Call me Mrs. Hyde. I spent the day scowling in the general direction of the world. My ability to prevent myself from becoming homicidal was tested to the limit when I spent 40 minutes in the drive-through lane of the local pharmacy. I had to pick up El Hubbo's prescription. I literally watched as one truck pulled into the line next to me just before I pulled up to the window in my lane. This was at 5:17 p.m. The pharmacist didn't even get to me until 5:50 p.m. Then there was apparently a question about the order and the pharmacist wanted to explain it all to me in a very lengthy conversation - to which I may have relatively harshly replied that I had already spent 30+ minutes in line and if they weren't going to give me the prescription just say so because I had to pick up my kids before 6:00 or the daycare would charge me overtime. The blank looks they gave me told me all I needed to know. I peeled out of the lane and burnt rubber to get a block and a half down the street to the daycare. I managed to slide in at 5:59 p.m.
Day four into this and the urge to eat my children has mostly passed. I still long for all things fried, and my censor chip may be completely toast. Mmmmmmm, toast. Oh, sorry, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, day four.....and El Hubbo and I are generally on speaking terms again. Wish us well on our weight loss journey!
Comments
Post a Comment