Poop is a popular subject at our house. Not necessarily amongst the parental units, but definitely amongst the under 5 foot population. I can tell you, dear reader, must also have a fondness for the subject or you would not still be reading this blog. Finally, my children have provided me with enough gems regarding poop that I must share with you. Lucky you.
There's nothing like your beautiful little girl shouting out in the middle of church, "MY POOPS ARE COMING OUT!". So lady-like. And I love the looks I get from other people in stores when I tell my little darling she'll have to wait to potty and she begins to spin around in circles, grabs the back of her britches and shouts, "BUT I'M GOIN' TO POOP MY PANTS!" Apparently all announcements regarding our bowel movements must be made at full volume.
Little Sunshine is an authority on poop. She has studied the subject in depth. More than once I have been summoned to the bathroom to be met with her observations on the effect birthday cake icing can have on poop. She also finds separating laundry highly educational as she closely examines each pair of her brother's underpants and makes sure to alert the entire family of any suspicious activity she finds. She will sound the alarm for any discovery of poop in the cat's litter box, which I can tell embarrasses Mab to no end. I am pretty sure Mab is actively plotting her revenge. She's a highly evolved cat, well, except for the need for a litter box. But, I digress.
El Hubbo has not been unscathed in Little Sunshine's fascination with poop. One time he sternly ordered her to do something, she left the room and could be heard muttering, "Poopie-head". This was our first name-calling experience with Little Sunshine, and you can be certain that as soon as El Hubbo recovered from having his heart broken by being referred to in such a manner by the apple of his eye, he rapidly applied the board of education to her seat of knowledge.
El Hubbo and Little Sunshine have many such meetings. As he was recently threatening her with another educational session, she said (very calmly I might add), "If you spank me, I'll be poopin' on you." I dare any of you to respond to that with a straight face. Count your blessings that you don't have to square off with this one on a daily basis like we do.
Not to be outdone, Number One Son has a good poop story as well. He and I were driving to go to dinner one day, and he exclaimed, "Mom, I am so hungry I could eat a pound of cheese. What would happen if I ate a pound of cheese?" Unfortunately, my censor chip was not working and I popped off, "Jake! You wouldn't poop for a month!" I heard him giggle. Then I heard him laugh. Then he outright guffawed. I knew I had made a mistake, but I tried to do some damage-control. "Jake, you don't need to repeat that." He just grinned, and I knew that at some point the child would attempt to test that theory. We got to the restaurant and sat down. We looked at the menus. The waitress came over and asked what we would like. Yep, you know it. Jake said, "I'd like a pound of cheese!" Note to self: Look for constipation medication coupons.
I apologize, dear reader, if you found this blog topic unseemly. It is, unfortunately, a subject that takes up a large portion of my life, and I know that hearing such stories of my life make others feel so grateful that they are not me. You are welcome.
There's nothing like your beautiful little girl shouting out in the middle of church, "MY POOPS ARE COMING OUT!". So lady-like. And I love the looks I get from other people in stores when I tell my little darling she'll have to wait to potty and she begins to spin around in circles, grabs the back of her britches and shouts, "BUT I'M GOIN' TO POOP MY PANTS!" Apparently all announcements regarding our bowel movements must be made at full volume.
Little Sunshine is an authority on poop. She has studied the subject in depth. More than once I have been summoned to the bathroom to be met with her observations on the effect birthday cake icing can have on poop. She also finds separating laundry highly educational as she closely examines each pair of her brother's underpants and makes sure to alert the entire family of any suspicious activity she finds. She will sound the alarm for any discovery of poop in the cat's litter box, which I can tell embarrasses Mab to no end. I am pretty sure Mab is actively plotting her revenge. She's a highly evolved cat, well, except for the need for a litter box. But, I digress.
El Hubbo has not been unscathed in Little Sunshine's fascination with poop. One time he sternly ordered her to do something, she left the room and could be heard muttering, "Poopie-head". This was our first name-calling experience with Little Sunshine, and you can be certain that as soon as El Hubbo recovered from having his heart broken by being referred to in such a manner by the apple of his eye, he rapidly applied the board of education to her seat of knowledge.
El Hubbo and Little Sunshine have many such meetings. As he was recently threatening her with another educational session, she said (very calmly I might add), "If you spank me, I'll be poopin' on you." I dare any of you to respond to that with a straight face. Count your blessings that you don't have to square off with this one on a daily basis like we do.
Not to be outdone, Number One Son has a good poop story as well. He and I were driving to go to dinner one day, and he exclaimed, "Mom, I am so hungry I could eat a pound of cheese. What would happen if I ate a pound of cheese?" Unfortunately, my censor chip was not working and I popped off, "Jake! You wouldn't poop for a month!" I heard him giggle. Then I heard him laugh. Then he outright guffawed. I knew I had made a mistake, but I tried to do some damage-control. "Jake, you don't need to repeat that." He just grinned, and I knew that at some point the child would attempt to test that theory. We got to the restaurant and sat down. We looked at the menus. The waitress came over and asked what we would like. Yep, you know it. Jake said, "I'd like a pound of cheese!" Note to self: Look for constipation medication coupons.
I apologize, dear reader, if you found this blog topic unseemly. It is, unfortunately, a subject that takes up a large portion of my life, and I know that hearing such stories of my life make others feel so grateful that they are not me. You are welcome.
as usual...hilarious.
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