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Dating is Dangerous

At dinner the other evening, Number One Son tells me he has come up with a list of ways to breakup with your girlfriend.

As I tried to recover from the shock that perhaps some little cougar was trying to steal my son's affections, I stammer out, "What?  Do you have a girlfriend?  Why didn't I know this?  Who is she?  Why do you have a girlfriend?  You aren't old enough to have a girlfriend!  NO DATING!  EVER!  DO YOU HEAR ME?"

Perhaps my machine-gun-fire rapid response was a tad bit of an over-reaction, but in my defense, I was there to eat enchiladas, not deal with the psychologically traumatic situation of a son who no longer thinks girls have cooties.

Number One Son scrunched up his nose and said, "Me?  Girlfriend?  Ewwww, no way!  Girls have cooties."  (Oh, thank goodness!!  I could now enjoy the remainder of my meal.)

He then rolled his eyes and said, "No, my friend has a girlfriend, and he asked me how he should break up with her."  I'm still a little anxious that this whole girlfriend thing may be contagious, but I was now fascinated by this story.

"So, your friend has a girlfriend he wants to break up with, but he doesn't know how?  And, he asked you how to do it?"

"Yes, but I told him all I could really tell him was where NOT to breakup with her."

"Interesting, and pray tell, what advice did you give him?"

"Well, I have a list:  1. Do NOT break up with her in a chainsaw factory."

"That seems like pretty good advice."

"Yes, I also suggested not to break up with her in a gun factory.  Or a baseball bat factory.  Or a knife factory."

"All very good suggestions.  I'm glad you could help your friend.  Eat your tamales."

I am trying (and failing) to keep a straight face at this point.  El Hubbo kept very, very quiet.

A few observations:

1. My son thinks girls can turn to homicidal maniacs at any moment.  (I think I am ok with this.)

2. My son is smart enough to consider personal safety when dealing with the emotional upheaval of the opposite sex.  (I am definitely ok with this.)

3. My son is advising other young men on how to break up, supposedly so they can pursue another girl.  My son is a gigolo adviser.  (This disturbs me somewhat.)


If nothing more, perhaps the fact that my son is aware that dating is dangerous will lead to his exercising caution in that minefield of life.  When I decide to let him.  Which is probably never.


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