Never Tell a Pregnant Woman.....

There are things you should never tell a pregnant woman.  El Hubbo loves to give me grief over this little pregnancy episode, and given the lack of anything currently going on that merits blog documentation, I'll just tell this little story on myself.

While pregnant with Number One Son, I dutifully went to all five thousand doctor visits.  At least that is what I think the total came to, I'm really not sure.....I lost count after so many.  You see I was carrying an ABNORMALLY large beast in my belly, and I was informed I was "of advanced age", which all resulted in my getting to go to a specialist.

You might think telling a pregnant woman she is "of advanced age" would be something your should not say.  You would be right, however, that is not what this story is about.

All pregnant women get to have the lovely experience of being tested for diabetes.  It involves drinking this syruppy orange nasty drink and having your blood drawn.  When my nurse told me I was scheduled for the test, I asked her if I should fast.  (Fasting is never something a pregnant woman aspires to.)  The nurse looked at me and said, and I quote verbatim, "No, you can have whatever you want for breakfast."

Best news ever.  No need to worry about what I eat that morning.  With that happy news, I went on my merry way.  My breakfast routine generally consisted of a bacon biscuit from McDonald's and a decaf cup of coffee with cream and sugar.  So, no worries.

The morning of the diabetes test arrived, and I slid my groggy, miserably pregnant self behind the wheel of the car and began my drive to the hospital.  I pointed the car in the general direction of McDonald's, but something made me change directions.  I had an inordinate craving for a donut.  And not just any donut, I wanted a chocolate cake donut.  Actually, I wanted two.  And I wanted chocolate milk.  I hate milk.  Not even a fan of chocolate milk.  But that morning, I HAD to have it.

And, remember, the nurse said, "you can have whatever you want for breakfast."  I drove with single-minded purpose to the donut shop where I consumed two chocolate donuts and a chocolate milk.  Fat and happy, I waddled my pregnant self into the lab for my test.

I sat in the chair and watched as they stuck the needle in my arm to draw blood.  I waited for the results and was somewhat alarmed when the technician came back and asked if I was feeling alright?  I felt fine.  In fact, I felt better than I had in a quite awhile!  Apparently, I blew the top off that diabetes test.  As they were scrambling about wondering what to do with me, I asked a nurse....."Um, could a chocolate donut have thrown off the results?"  She looked at me and said, "Well, yes, but I wouldn't think that far."

So I sheepishly say, "So, TWO chocolate donuts.......and maybe some chocolate milk?"   The nurse looked at me incredulously, then shook her head.  The lab ratcheted down from def con red.  She asked me, "Why would you eat that before your test?"  I told her my doctor's nurse had said, "you can eat whatever you want for breakfast".

It seems they think that a logical person would understand that two chocolate donuts and chocolate milk would not be a good choice when one know one is to have a diabetes test.  I would like to point out that a pregnant woman CANNOT be held responsible as all hope of logical thinking flew out the window at the point she became pregnant!

I spent the remainder of the day having my blood drawn periodically.  Loads of fun.

When I became pregnant with Little Sunshine, there must have been a note in my file as this time around when informed of the date of my diabetes test, I was told, "And no chocolate donuts or chocolate milk."

But, they said nothing of cinnamon rolls.......